Birmingham, United Kingdom. Darren Johnson was yesterday suspended on full pay for assaulting a fellow worker at the photo copying machine in the insurance brokers office where they both work. Other members of staff only realised something was wrong when Robert Callam was propelled backwards "with great force" and knocked over a nearby water cooler. The office manager, Rachael Harrington told us, "it was a terrible situation, we were all dumbfounded. Staff had to go to a local newsagents to buy Evian if they wanted water during the afternoon. I was unable to get a technician from Spring Fountains out until Monday morning, it was a real problem". I pointed out that surely the assault on a member of her staff was somewhat more important than the fact the water cooler was damaged. She simply replied, "Oh God no. I can't really blame Darren. Robert is one of those unfortunate people who, I don't know why, but just looks like a cunt. He doesn't even have to open his mouth. The fact that Robert did open his mouth and proved us all right didn't help the situation".

We have to ask what the world is coming to when the assault of a co-worker in the office can be tolerated and tacitly condoned by management of that employee. We managed to speak to Darren Johnson on the phone after the incident, he told us that he had already gone home and was looking forward to spending quality time with his PS3 whilst still being paid.

I asked him if he regretted his violent actions now the red mist had cleared, Johnson replied, "No not at all.  You see the problem with Robert is that he not only looks like a cunt, he also talks like one. I've never particularly liked the guy and unfortunately he said something to me at the wrong time". Johnson paused for a moment and I assumed he was beginning to realise he may have acted in haste. "Actually I don't think it was what he said, it was just the fact he opened his fucking mouth in my presence. I don't think it matters what he would have said to me, I'd still have smacked the cunt".

I pointed out that his use of abusive language was very unpleasant and would be found very offensive by many people and surely was not appropriate for the workplace. Johnson came back with an instant retort, "I absolutely agree, and in any other circumstances I would regret today's events very much, but clearly you haven't yet spoken to this cunt". Johnson went on to point out to me, "There is one positive element to working with Robert...".  Finally, I felt that some good might come out of this unfortunate situation. "There is a guy called John who works with us, and we always thought he was the biggest cunt we had ever met, amazing how much one's point of reference can change when an even bigger one turns up". With that Johnson said his goodbyes, as "Call of Duty 4 isn't going to play itself", and hung up.

For some reason I felt very strongly about this story. It may well be down to the fact that I have been the victim of bullying in the workplace in the past (not, I hasten to add, at The Painful Cure office) or that I have a  gut-wrenching feeling whenever injustice and wrong-doing raises its ugly head. I felt I needed to champion Robert Callam's story. Rather than speak to him on the 'phone, I decided the best course of action was to drive out to Kidderminster, where Mr. Callam lives, and get his side of the story in the hope of publicising the whole horrendous event.

I phoned ahead to check Mr. Callam was home and happy to meet me. He was, and said he was more than happy to discuss what he called "one of the worst days of my working life". His tone sounded odd.  There was something about his phone manner than rankled me slightly. Clearly the day had been a difficult one for him and I put it down to him being angry and upset.

I arrived and was greeted by Mr Callam, who was holding a piece of steak to his very swollen eye. He asked me in and we sat in his kitchen as he made us coffee. He clearly was very out of sorts as he did have a most odd demeanour. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I felt rather bad as it was very difficult to feel sympathetic towards him, even considering what he had been through. I asked him to recount his side of the story, as to what events led up to the assault on him earlier in the day. Callam: "Well I was minding my own business running some papers through the copier, knowing full well Darren was responsible for buying the photocopier, I made the point that it would be really useful if this was networkable. With that Darren punched me squarely in the face". I found myself staring at Mr. Callam, not only struggling to muster sympathy but also any words of reassurance or indeed concern as to what had happened to him.

Sitting here now, in my own living room and reading over the transcript, it is difficult to see why Mr Callam's words could have led to such a response from Johnson. But I have to say, there was something about the way he recounted what he said. I felt the same way about the way he opened the door, the way he turned the kettle on and even the way he poured the milk.  They just said something about him. Maybe it was the constant sneer on his face, or the tone of his voice with every word that came out of his mouth. It really is very difficult to tell, in fact the only thing I could truely put it down to is the fact that Robert Callam really is a complete and utter cunt.